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02 January 2016 @ 02:15 pm
And once again  
It's always so long between posts on here. I just have that slipping feeling, like I'm right on the verge of losing it. I know why, but it doesn't help. What does help is that things are actually okay. All the bills are paid, I have the love of a wonderful woman, a nice place to live, family that loves me and cares abut me, a good job-- and that's how you know it's clinical, right? When there are no situational triggers, and you're still so depressed you could-- not die, let's be real. That's not in my wheelhouse. If anyone happens to read this, don't be worried about that. I just can't seem to act. Like there's a spell on me that keeps me still. I really need to talk to my doctor.

So I'm staying home from work again, even though it'll be just about half my allowance for the YEAR [if that reset doesn't happen on the fifth like it might], and I'm going to clean, and rearrange my room, and not feel useless. This is the goal. Maybe cleaning and some exercise will help. And if not, I'll just drag myself out of bed no matter what tomorrow. That's a promise.